I remember slapping him.
It was the only time I’d ever slapped anyone, having never understood the action or the justification for its delivery. I was on the receiving end of many brotherly hits, kicks and jabs as a little girl, and I never saw sense in violence as a form of expression.
To be honest, I don’t even remember what he said to me to cause it. Given the circumstances, it probably wasn’t a specific utterance that drew the reaction; more likely a series of unintentional stabs and confusing words of comfort that had bled and suffocated my heart over the preceding hours.
At that point in our discussion, nothing else seemed appropriate.
A heavy combination of frustration and anger concentrated itself into the weight of my right hand, and I drew it plainly across his tear-strewn face.
I was filled with a flicker of satisfaction – passing relief hidden in the sting of my burning palm – but you wouldn’t know it had you seen my conflicted face. Questioning and afraid with a hint of apology, his deep brown eyes echoed mine as we stared at each other, wordless, for an eternity.
“I deserved that,” he said calmly, then damned me with a hug that soothed and hurt in a way that, as dramatic as it sounds, only the brokenhearted can understand.
I packed the cocoa powder and chocolate chips I’d stashed in his cabinet, grabbed my toothbrush from behind the bathroom mirror, and, with that: we were through.
The only remaining sign of us was the mark of mascara and eyeliner on the left shoulder of his white tee.
And even that would be smoothed over and washed away soon enough.
Of course, all of this was long ago, but it came to mind today as I drove past an innocuous drugstore on a side of town that I don’t often visit. I’d sat in that parking lot (seeking tissues but instead crying naive breakup tears into my sleeves) the day after the slap; brokenhearted and incapable of feeling anything but self-pity and despair.
And now, sitting alone and sleepless on this Monday night, thoughts of the past are swirling in my head. Not in a sad way this time, but rather a reflective one. I don’t regret any of it, I’m not mad and I don’t wish things had worked out any differently for this – or any – of the few relationships I’ve been in.
When I spotted the drugstore this time, I smiled. The whole thing was a growing process, and we both knew it. The rise and fall did me a world of good.
Boys have taught me a lot about myself.
Someone told me recently that I talk about them – the boys – a lot on the blog.
I hadn’t noticed it, but maybe it’s true.
Either way, relationships – of any kind – are worthy of great care and passion.
Care and passion inspire me to write.
No more explanation needed.
Strawberry Vanilla Crumb Pie
This got a great reaction out of my roommate who doesn’t care for fruit desserts (except peach crumble. At least the boy’s got some sense 😉 ). It disappeared quickly at work, too!
Pie Crust
6 Tbsp (85g) butter
2 Tbsp (30g) shortening
1 c (142g) flour
1/2 tsp salt
4 Tbsp cold water, more if needed
Cube the butter and place it and the shortening in the freezer for fifteen minutes.
In a medium bowl, combine the flour and salt. Add the frozen butter and shortening, and press with your fingers (or a pastry blender or a fork or a pair of knives or however your grandma taught you) until it is the texture of coarse meal. Add the water a little at a time and mix/knead just until incorporated. Wrap in plastic wrap and refrigerate at least 30 minutes.
After 30 minutes, place the dough on the counter to soften for 5 minutes. On a well-floured surface, roll the dough until it is large enough to fit in a 9″ pie tin – about 11-12″ in diameter. As you roll, check often to see that the dough is not sticking to the counter and apply more flour as needed.
Roll the dough around your rolling pin and lay it in the pie tin. Form a decorative boarder, if you wish. Place in freezer.
Crumble adapted from Nicole at Sweet Peony
This crumble is great! I made a double batch and stashed the extra in my freezer.
1/2 c (100g) brown sugar, packed
1/2 c (71g) flour
3/4 tsp cinnamon
4 Tbsp (60g) butter, frozen and cubed
1/4 c (25g) oats
Combine all ingredients in a medium bowl and press until the texture of coarse crumbs. Place in freezer briefly while you prepare the pie filling.
Strawberry Vanilla Pie Filling
3/8 c (74g) sugar
Scrapings of one vanilla bean
1/4 c (35g) flour
2 Tbsp cornstarch
1/2 tsp salt
1 1/2 qts strawberries, hulled and halved
Preheat the oven to 350F.
Combine the sugar and vanilla seeds in a bowl. Press with fingers to incorporate, then stir in the flour, cornstarch and salt. When well-mixed, add the berries and toss to coat. Pour into frozen crust and top with crumble. Bake until you see juices bubbling through the crumble in the center, about 1 hour and 15 minutes.
Hello nice Page with very interessting recept. <br /><br />Please what is tsp?? My english is not good, and i dont no the details of backingrecept in english
This comment has been removed by the author.
tsp is teaspoon<br />Tbsp is tablespoon
This sounds absolutely perfect! I love that topping!
Love this pie-perfect for summer! Looks so delicious!
I would say that yes, you talk about boys on here frequently – – but why not? That's life. And it makes for good reading:)<br /><br />I love that your 'belongings' consisted of a toothbrush and chocolate; that would so be me.
This pie looks absolutely delicious!!!!! What a great summer dessert!
(tsp) is the abbreviation of teaspoon.
What a beautiful, bittersweet, heartbreaking post. Other people do tell us so much about ourselves, and we can learn so much from our relationships — how they start, how they endure, how they end.<br /><br />I say keep talking about boys. Boys are almost as interesting as food. (Almost.)
Thank you so very much!
I was just wondering, at what temperature do we bake the pie? This may be a dumb question, but I've never baked a pie before and I want this one to come out perfect because it sounds so yummy!
For me, the boy stories combined with the recipe's are an interesting juxtaposition. Since baking and cooking are cathartic for me, I often "process" in my brain while I prepare food…so, I often imagine you thinking of these things while you are making something amazing. I like it.
You know, somehow I never thought about it like that, but that's exactly what this is for me… Thank you!
Hi there from a nice and sunny UK.<br /><br />Please, please, please can you give the recipe in gramms or pounds and ounces as well as your cup method. I would never know how much 3/8 cup of sugar would be!!<br /><br />Thank you very much. I love your blogs and I love your recipes too.<br /><br />:-) X
Done! Thanks very much 🙂
Looks gorgeous! <br /><br />I love this line "damned me with a hug that soothed and hurt in a way that, as dramatic as it sounds, only the brokenhearted can understand." I TOTALLY get that. Anyway, keep talking boys or whatever you like – it's your blog! xx
Thank you 🙂
I think you're a great writer, it's your blog, so YOU do whatever the heck you want to do! Just never stop baking, mmm k?!? You so ding dang good at it!
Aw, shucks. Thanks!!
This looks and likely tastes AMAZING.
It looks so yummy!!!!
you will be fine……you know how to feel…..and you remember the experience.
I love your recipes…and your cakes, ¡oh yours cakes! I hope someday to make cakes like yours.<br />Have a nice day =]
Why wouldn't you mix the food your passionate about with your romantic passions?
Thank you for saying this!
This looks lovely… but what temp oven did you bake in? 350F?
Sorry… when you print out the recipe, the "Bake at 350F" line gets cut out. Found it though. 😉
Oops! Thanks for letting me know!
I guess the saying is true, what ever doesnt kill you makes you stronger! I am sure we all can relate in some way 🙂 This crumble looks totally inviting!!!!
I've got this pie in the oven as I'm writing this! I'm eagerly anticipating the strawberry-vanilla yumminess that'll be emerging from my oven in just under an hour! 🙂
Oh my sweet Heaven this looks like a pie I just want to dive head first in! I could eat this for breakfast! I am making this asap! Looooove your blog!
i got a lump in my throat reading that. very close to home. lovely recipe too 🙂
I love that your blog is about more than the recipes so keep talking boys! Although the recipes are pretty incredible too, and this one looks gooily delicious. Love it 🙂
This looks absolutely delicious. I must make it! Would this pie only be good served warm or do you think it would be good at room temperature, too? Thanks!
Oh does this crumble look wonderful. Pinned!
Its your blog and you can cry if you want to! This includes writing about what you want to -including slaps!
I love this recipe! Crumbles in general are pretty fabulous!!! <br />~ nerdwithtaste.wordpress.com